That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
