It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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