We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
