I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
