i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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