Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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