Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
