pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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