Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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