Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
