What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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