So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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