There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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