You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
