I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
