Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
