rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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