Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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