i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
