It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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