I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
