A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
