the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
