i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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