I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
