every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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