3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
