Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
