At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
