I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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