it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
