We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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