feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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