I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
