Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
