when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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