I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
