She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
