she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Welp...herpes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
