i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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