So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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