I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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