note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
soo... how was my night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
