i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
