got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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