Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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