you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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