Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
