:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
