I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
