at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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