I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
