also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Even my vagina gasped.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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