Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
